Stable Relationships

Stable relationships have found their way onto the list of things that correlate with long, healthy, and happy lives in the Harvard study on that topic.

I have lost count of how many times I have heard people my age or older say -

  • "We aren't compatibile."
  • "My wife doesn't understand me."
  • "He would never do that."
  • "That's just the way he is."
  • "She would never do that."
  • Which if they are still together most often leads to -
  • "We've sort of gone our own ways and are settled into a comfortable rhythm now
  • "The academics say that a relationship like this is a "stable relationship".
  • It is lasting. The couple is staying together.

And, . . . apparently this is quite a feat now.

The bad news is that with more women having careers and being able to support themselves, they are more likely to walk away from a bad relationship than before.

Guys! This is just one more reason that not being willing to talk about it is dumb! What was a stable relationship positive in the Harvard study is not the same today.

If you try to avoid doing anything about relationship problems, they don't go away. One of the people does.

Of course even by this most simple, most superficial measure, the track record of couples is pretty bad.

And everyone knows what a stable fills up with if you don't go to work there everyday!

The good news here is that incompatibility does not stand up as a reason for relationship problems or failure. Feeling incompatible is a sign that things aren't right and should be taken seriously, a sign of not getting the feelings of closeness and security that we seek in relationships. The places where we need to make adustments aren't with the differences, they are with how we feel about the differences.

Wasn't it Peggy Lee whose song asked, "Is that all there is?"

Indeed!! From what I've read about her, Peggy Lee followed her own advice " . . . so let's keep dancing."

Ever wonder if there aren't some things that are doable by well intentioned, normal people to not just stay together, but to actually have increasing enjoyment and fulfillment? To not just solve relationship problems and stay out of trouble, but to build something really hot?

Clearly staying together has to be the first step. You can't make a relationship better when you aren't in one, but there's more to be had. Lots more!

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