Working to Save Your Marriage

Doing the necessary things to save your marriage may or may not result in staying together and enjoying a better relationship, but it definitely will be the worth effort personally.

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There are so many factors involved in two people rejuvenating a relationship that has gotten stale and negative that the outcome is never certain. The odds of success are probably better if both people want to get things back on a positive track or onto a more positive track, but there is a reasonable school of thought that even one person can start things moving the right way.

When relationships break up it is common for one or both parties to say that they didn't see it coming, but there are signs of trouble brewing that are easy to overlook.

Signs of trouble generally are the result not of conflict but rather of distancing. Sometimes this is seen in living on two parallel, but separate tracks. Work, hobbies, kids all help to mask this when it is happening.

It is much easier to take corrective action to save your marriage at this point, before one or the other has an affair, turns to any of the widely available distractions such as work, sports, tv, internet porn, reading, etc., gets focused on faults in the other, or decides that getting out is the best solution.

Doing nothing and hoping things will get better on their own is most often not a good idea and, strangely neither is trying - - if you try too hard..

Benign neglect in relationships is rarely effective. It is a strategy that works best in situations that are naturally stabilizing. This does not seem to be the case in most intimate relationships.

Perhaps this is because of the openness of the system which allows so many outside forces to be involved or maybe for some other reason, but the bottom line is that once things get off balance to a certain point they are not going to come back on their own.

In any event, this lack of "self-righting" in relationships is a good reason to consider professional help or consulting books, ebooks, or other sources of information on what works and what doesn't. Just be careful that whatever you choose to do does not involve too much seriousness, set-jaw effort, and work. That can be as deadly as figuring things will take care of themselves and not save your marriage at all.

Unfortunately, for many of us, our automatic reactions and attempted fixes only make things worse.

This probably wouldn't happen if only one of us was having trouble at a time. We really do know better.

The problem is that we both are feeling bad, upset, unappreciated, unloved, whatever, at the same time. Neither of us is at our best. Both of us needs/wants something from the other in a situation where the other person is least likely to be able to give it.

Again, this makes having a conscious plan absolutely necessary. Autopilot is going to fly us right into the side of a mountain so to speak.

While I have no reference to offer or expert to quote on this one, it is my hunch that this is where following a regular mindfulness practice can really help relationships and in the process be an effective way to do something that will foster your health and sanity and might save your marriage too. There is a link to an excellent article on how this might occur at mindfulness practice over 50.

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