Conscious Relationships Over 50



Choosing conscious relationships now that we are over 50 offers unparalleled opportunities for deep self-understanding, self-acceptance, and growth through deeper, stronger relationship.

  • They can feed and nurture our spirit.


  • They can make the lives of everyone around us better.


  • And, . . . being old enough to realize that there is an end to our life here after which the hurts, frustrations, and wrongs that seem so big now won't mean a thing, we are in a perfect position to let ourselves do it.


  • We can freely and responsibly give, take, and share power in our relationships.



  • ( Conscious relationship is being used here simply to mean that we are aware of our relationships, we value them for themselves, we view them as central to our ability to fully develop own ways of being.)

    The choice of the descriptor over 50 by the way is no accident or mere convenience, (it's conscious.) Because we have lived this long, the numbers and variety of our experiences puts us in a very special position to be more curious and accepting with others, if we are willing to do it. Some people seem to come by this perspective naturally as they age. Others of us need to do some personal work to take advantage of the opportunity not to take ourselves and others quite so seriously.

    The more we are able to be relate to others with that focus, the more accepting, positive, and loving we can be with everyone around us.



    One simple, effective way to do this is to engage in some form of mindfulness practice. Ram Dass talks about this in his book on the experience of aging, Still Here. Obviously taking off from his earlier Be Here Now.


    Another option with some direct references to conscious relationships is the complete and easy to follow approach that Michael Brown lays out in his book, The Presence Process. Instead of be here now he says be present. OK, I think it is pretty much the same thing.

    Another similar approach to this issue of the power of actually being aware of what is going on right now again with direct reference to conscious relationships can be found in The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

    Mindfulness. And yet another approach to the same thing comes from Dr. Ellen Langer, a psychology professor at Harvard, takes a somewhat less Eastern sounding approach. Her book on the topic is

    Fortunately, with this variety of specific pathways available, one has a chance to choose. They all work well for the right people. Finding a good match of what makes sense to you and seems to be something that you can really do over an extended period is vital. Take the time to find the one that feels right to you, then stick with it.


    Quest for Unconditional Love

    When we choose to make our relationships conscious, seeing them as an interactions in which the most important pieces are occurring inside of us, then we retain our own power. Not that this always feels good or is easy, but it does consistently return us to being able to choose what we will make of what is presented to us.


    Learning a bit about the psychology of relationships can be a great help in this.
  • How the meanings we place on occurrences in our lives affect how we feel and what we do.
  • How we can use images of our desired future to make achieving it more likely.
  • How we can slow down, step back, and get a broader perspective before acting.
  • How things that we learned starting when we were very young can trip us up and what we can do about that.

  • Read more about psychology of relationships by clicking HERE.

    Romance Stage of Relationship Development

    In the early stages of a conscious relationship over 50 or at any age, whether it is with a new baby, new friend, business associate, or new lover, the positive feelings are almost completely from within us. The other person is just a mirror or a screen onto which we are projecting our own hopes and needs. Very little, if any, genuine relating between two real people is going on yet at this point.

    It's exciting. It feels great. Enjoy it, because it will pass.



    Reality

    When reality starts to set in and we get inkling that they are doing the same thing with us, something has to give. As it turns out, we are the ones who have to give. And, that's good.



    Our Greatest Gurus

    When we choose conscious relationships over 50, those we care about the most can be our greatest gurus .


    When it comes to those closest to us, it certainly seems to the case that

  • if we have a strong emotional charge attached to something, they will trigger it.
  • If a question needs to be asked, those closest to us will ask it.


  • If there is a weakness, those closest to us will see it.
  • If there is a deep need, those closest to us will not fill it "right."
  • If something irritates us, those closest to us will do it.
  • If a challenge needs to be faced, those closest to us will provide it in some form or other.

  • We need to learn to not get angry at them for this and realize that in the grand scheme of things they are just doing their jobs. And, of course, from their point of view we are doing the same.




    When we choose the path of conscious relationships over 50, we commit to taking the disappointments, hurts, and confusions that occur as we relate to those around us as lessons for US. The more we use those to get our own house in order and the more we are able to give, the better lover, partner, parent, child, sibling, grandparent, friend we become.

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