Moving through relationship problems only starts to gain momentum when you start to accept them as your problems and you accept full responsibility for what you do.
Whether you are 50, 60, 70, or beyond, it is not too late to learn a few of the secrets of how effective people take responsibility in their relationships. Then you can start to see things differently, and perhaps embrace a few changes of heart in how you relate to those around you. The "truths" are universal, though sometimes there are some twists that come with getting older that we'll need to figure in.
As it turns out, the "secrets" of people who are happy and effective in handling their relationship problems and moving on aren't really that complicated. And, in fact, they turn the rough patches into opportunity.
Are these secrets simple? . . . . . Usually.
Are they easy to apply in real lives? . . . Well, . . . that depends.
It's already clear that people who are effective in relationships
take full responsibility for their own beliefs, feelings, and actions.
They don't wait around for someone else to move first . . . even though
they know that it is easier if both people are on the same page.
So, here's your invitation to dig deeper into what we know about people who are good at this stuff
AND . . . . . for those of us who might be described as well intentioned, but relationally challenged, ways to -
Well, the stimulus for seeking more from our closest relationships in the last third or so of our lives can take one or another form of the following. The kids are gone on to their own lives. We either have or haven't achieved the goals set earlier in life.
In the new perspective offered by this point in our life cycle a lot of couples may or may soon be looking across the kitchen table wondering who this other person is and whether there is any relationship worth extending, carrying on, or rebuilding, and wondering if it may not just be too late.
Now that we have more than a few years and probably more than a few ups and downs under our belts, it is the perfect time for finding specific viewpoints, tools, techniques, skills that are just right for us to really transform everyday relationship problems into opportunities -
To be included here, specific skills, techniques, or guidelines have to be clear and doable.And, in fact, there are lots of those and they come in enough varieties that most of us can easily find a good fit. (Deep and nebulous has it's place too, but in my experience that comes more easily later.)
So, why should you believe anything that I say about relationship problems?
Actually, my best advice is don't! Choose what feels right for you. Read the sources for the information presented here. Think about it carefully. Do it for a specific amount of time. Decide for yourself. When it comes to relationships, one size does not fit all.
The plain fact of the matter is that before I started on this quest I would probably have rightly deserved a place on the least likely to become any kind of expert on relationships list. (Maybe I still do. That's for someone else to say I guess.)
But, once I found out how relatively simple the building blocks of good relationships are and how devilishly difficult skillful use of them is if they don't come naturally, I have been obsessed with finding ways to look at the issues involved that make things work easier and ways to consciously make the right assumptions, actions, and words second nature.
And I have read, studied, and tried the specifics presented here and found them useful myself. They work. Well, not all of them in every situation and not all the time, but what's perfect really? They work.
It has been said that the best long term way to get out of the discomfort of relationship problems and related conflict is to go into them, through, and out the other side. This belief has proven to be the foundation upon which everything else stands for me. I hope it is useful for you too.
But our natural reaction to relationship problems is most likely to be to try to fix them, to run away, to avoid, or to try to overpower the other person. None of which works for long, but each certainly can seem right at the time.
Since natural tendencies, conventional wisdom, and common advice often points in the wrong direction, just how do we break free and do what is best for us?
To break negative cycles and start doing the often counter-intuitive things that will work we have to have knowledge, support, and skills to stand in and move through it.
Books, classes, forums, friends can all be big helps with relationship problems. Just try to seek support among people who are going in the same direction you are. A lot of what comes as well meaning advice from family and friends is colored by their own issues and/or meant more to be supportive of you personally than of your relationship.
At this point in our lives most of us know full that we need to step up to the challenges and opportunities that come with aging including our relationship problems, but may find ourselves . . .
If any or all of this sounds familiar, don't worry . . .
. . . . the good news is that it doesn't have to be this way!
Yogi Berra definitely had it right when the said "It ain't over til it's over."
Use this website to find books, programs, ideas that can help ignite a spark to
Follow the links on the upper left side or the bottom of this page to find the kinds of information related to relationship problems you need in areas such as
It's not beyond any of us to have better relationships over 50. The sooner we start, the sooner we start to reap the rewards. The longer we keep working at it, the longer we reap the rewards.
This is a work in progress.
More will be added over time.
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