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Women in Relationships

What Do They Want? What Do They Expect?




Women in relationships have been described as being likely to

  • value being together, relating, being close, and get uncomfortable when they feel disconnected

  • talk with their partner to get support, understanding, unless they specificaly ask for help

  • be naturally focused on feelings and process more than things

  • have an internal dialogue that relates to feelings and relationships

  • be comfortable talking about fears, worries, feelings ( and usually have not had the experienced of being penalized for doing it)



Of course knowing about "women in relationships" is only a starting point. When it comes to being in a relationship with a woman or being a woman in a relationship, all that matters is what she is (you are) thinking, feeling, wanting, expecting.


So, what can you do with these gender specific thoughts, feelings, values to whatever degree they are affecting your relationship>


First, you have to start with accepting what is. If you have any emotional charge about any of these, the best place to start is with some form of inner work before you try to talk with your partner about relationship issues.

One good place to start is with the Four Questions described in Byron Katie's Loving What Is.

Another is with the focused attention, breathing program described in detail in Michael Brown's The Presence Process.

Or, use some other method that works for you, but be as clean as you can about differing basic viewpoints on relationships that will be coming with you into a discussion of specific issues.


The action steps then include
  • studying up on what thoughts, beliefs, asumptions, values, expectations a woman is likely to be bringing to the process, be they yours or hers.

  • doing your own internal work on any emotional charge you may have about these differing viewpoints on the same topic between you.

  • review the concept of relationships stages

  • now with a clean, positive mindset, honestly and effectively start communicating about the specific issues at hand.



Return to Psychology of Relationships from Women in Relationships


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