Are You Prepared to Avoid These Common
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When you've lived long enough to be a senior, dating is probably not the first thing you think of as a new and fun activity. A means to an end perhaps. But, a positive thing in itself?
True, we've been there and done that, but it likely feels as though it was long long ago in a galaxy far far away. And how many people have positive memories of the whole venture?
Still, it can be a lot of fun and it can keep us alive and growing if we can sidestep a few classic mistakes.
Mistake #1 - Looking toward a particular end result.
How many times do we have to hear the advice to "be here now" in one form or another before we get it that this applies to everything we do? Staying out of the past and the future when we are dating makes it a lot more fun.
Mistake #2 - Seeking to re-create an earlier relationship.
Another version of Mistake #1, this one is based on the mistaken idea that if we could just go back to a time and situation that we remember as good, everything would be great. Unless you're talking about general qualities of relating such as trust, safety, warmth, trying to copy the past is a recipe for loneliness and worse.
Mistake #3 - Coming into it with a rigid self-identity.
Yes, we have all learned some things and have some ideas about what works for us and what doesn't, but the tighter those definitions become the harder it is for anyone to fit into them and, paradoxically, the more likely we are to flex too far and live to regret it.
Mistake #4 - Having a checklist of specific attributes the "ideal date" will have.
This one can be helpful if they are things like how they talk, listen, and enjoy life generally. More specific than that and you are likely to miss some very interesting people.
Mistake #5 - Getting hung up on looks, both mine and his/hers.
What does height, weight, hair color, etc. have to do with enjoying a cup of coffee or lunch?
Mistake #6 - Starting too fast, expecting too much.
Thirty minutes for coffee in the late morning or early afternoon is a good start. And, see to it that you have an appointment shortly after the set ending time, even if it is just to call a friend and tell them you're done and how it went if you want to.
Mistake #7 - Ignoring commonsense safety precautions.
Always tell someone where you're going and when plan to be back when you meet a person you don't know well for a date. Don't be paranoid, but don't give out more personal information than you need to, especially at first.
Senior dating ideally is a chance to meet interesting people, to learn a few things about yourself and others, and to see if this time around you can't be a bit more sane now that the hormones don't have your ears ringing the whole time.
Some people highly recommend committing to a set number of first, short dates before scheduling any second ones. They say that that makes them more relaxed, knowing that they are "just shopping".
There really isn't one right way. See to it that it is fun and safe.
If you feel like you could use a few ideas on what to do other than the same old stuff over and over check out the local library, online dating sites, or start with an e-book like 300 Creative Dates by Michael Webb.
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